Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Another year

I've been stuck in bed with a bad bout of cold the past several days and my phone decided to take a dive into some water yesterday. So not only am I homebound for new years, but I'm pretty sure my phone is beyond repair, which means I've lost pictures from Christmas of Abbie and a few necessary files I kept on my phone. I mean when it rains, it pours over here I swear.


But all the same, the year is finally almost over, so maybe this is a last lesson in letting go and being at peace. 2013 wasn't a bad year for me up until the last three months of it, but it was the year of lessons more than others. I've learned how to be a stronger person, a better mother, and wiser with my choices in life, including people. Heartbreaks happened. Successes happened. And most importantly, Owlfish grew and is healthy. That's all I could ever ask for. :)

So here's a quick recap of this wild year on the blog:



January

Started a photography challenge, and managed to complete it! Joined the panther family at Georgia State. Started burlesque lessons, attended to a clothing swap, and went on a lot of nature walks. The Atlanta Lolita High Tea. Abbie had plenty of playdates with her friends and we battled some wild weather.


February

Started my Things I'm Obsessed With posts.  Went to the Georgia Aquarium for Valentine's Day and watched Abbie develop her dislike for penguins. Learned some hard lessons about life. 


March

Had a visit from an old friend. Abbie discovered the wonder of bucket sitting. Attended Momo Con 2013 and had my first artist table at FWA 2013. Celebrated Ostara with my munchkin and found my new favorite drink. Ran away to Helen for a day. 


April



May



June

Went on hiatus and took a break from blogging. Started back at college as a Georgia State student. Attended Frill by Affrilliation convention. Started weaning Abbie off the pacifier. 


July



August

Enjoyed between semester break with visits to Atlanta, trips to the High museum, and dealt with Owlfish's first major illness. 


September

Started Fall semester. Went to the Gwinnett County fair, where Abbie won prizes for being cute. Became a copperhead. Started a Facebook page for my art.


October

Welcomed my favorite month and life started to unravel. Talked about Ouija boards and became part of the "Revolver-lution". Most importantly, Abbie's Monster's Inc themed birthday and turning two. Hallowe'en Playlists! Celebrated the Samhain and was a brat the entire night.


November



December

Stalled out. Had to learn to change and adapt. Shared lots of pictures of Abbie playing and Thanksgiving time with the family. Started rebuilding and moving on. Met new people and got good grades. Attended the Lolita Holiday party and butted heads with my stubborn child. Celebrated Christmas. 



Yep, it's been a hell of a year. And I'm honestly glad it's over with, even if it was only the past several weeks that have really bitten the dust. I'm hopefully for 2014 and what it may bring. I plan to keep up with some weekly blog posts and start using my actual camera more for photo posts. Lots of art projects in mind! 

Out with the old, in with the new. I hope all of you, whether reader or friend, family or stranger, 
have a happy new year! 
And please, PLEASE, be responsible and stay safe tonight! xoxoxo




Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry and Bright


Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Yule! 
May all your dreams come true and your loved ones be near! 
And always remember that no matter what, somebody loves you, 
even if it;s just us two crazy girls!

Love, Owlfish and Family



Monday, December 23, 2013

Learning to walk again

We can thank the Foo Fighters for the title today, but that song has been a good motivation. So sue me.

I know it's been a bit since I've posted, but all things considered, I think the hiatus was necessary. It's been kind of weird, yet oddly therapeutic to suddenly let myself stall out, not really moving from my bed, auto-pilot if I had to. The con of it was that it was clearly obvious I wasn't making any  attempt to be active or even decent sometimes. And I definitely slacked on being a proper mom. But I guess that's what comes with heartbreak.  Stall out, be sad, pick up, move on, heavy boots and all. One foot in front of the other.


I can finally say though I'm doing much better and things are finally moving on up. Finished out my fall semester with surprisingly great grades, still maintaining my 3.1 GPA. Once again, I have the best support system to help me reach the finish line. I snagged a job with Picture People for the holiday season, but got the good news yesterday that I am beginning my trial period to stay permanently! Hopefully this means I will start learning the ropes of being a studio photographer next year.

And Owlfish is still Owlfish. We've been dealing with the grumps and terrible twos hardcore this past week; she is all sassy attitude and we've butted heads a lot lately. I think she is as frustrated with me as I am with her somedays. But she is growing and curious, and enthralled with Christmas. I'm not quite sure she entirely gets it yet, but she's fascinated with the christmas tree and decorations. We've also almost reached the no-bink finish line and have begun potty training! I'm enjoying these days with her, even the rough ones, because she will start daycare in January and suddenly I'll be facing longer days we aren't together anymore. She's my constant and I will forever say it: She is everything I need and she is magic.

Here are a couple instagrams and pictures from the past several weeks to enjoy. Now that life is moving forward, I'll be back on more often.


December 14, Owlfish and I attended the Atlanta Lolita Community's annual Holiday Party and Cookie exchange. I'm so grateful to the lovely ladies and my friends in the community that are so caring and patient with Abbie. She adores them. Our outfits from the day! My headdress is a creation by Chelsea Johnson, my dress is Ick by Inkbunny,  and Abbie's dress is from Target.




Abbie's also figured out how to take "selfies" with my phone. I'll sometimes pick up my phone to find 30+ pictures of her cheesing and giggling. She took the picture of us on the left



On the right is a handmade postcard from my dear friend Shelbie, who's been a pillar of strength and a wonderful person to me. She took the photo that made the postcard. She also recently celebrated her 22nd birthday and 6 months with her just as awesome boyfriend! (PS- She's a photographer too! Go check her out: http://www.sminearphotography.com

On the left is a picture of my favorite book, White Oleander by Janet Fitch. Needless to say it has seen better days and I should really consider tucking this away in a safe place and buying a new copy. I just can't bring myself to yet.




Thursday, December 12, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013

Not much to say, but here are a few pictures from Thanksgiving 2013 at our house. I hope you all had a thankful day too~
















Monday, December 02, 2013

One Foot in Front of the Other

Well...I guess now that things are done, I will finally post about what has been going on lately.

Daniel and I are no longer together. It wasn't a mutual decision, but it was in the end necessary. Either way, he is now not a part of mine or Abbie's lives. Maybe one day that will change, but it isn't worth stopping life about. We've both decided for now it is best to not be in each others lives physically and emotionally, as well as via the internet. So for those who are still in contact with him, please, let him be. This had to happen.

Abbie has been a trooper. The first several days were rough on her, but she has been adapting much quicker than I have. She's very much aware that things have drastically changed, but she is still just as happy and amazing as she always has been. I know this too will eventually be gone from her mind. She's still young.

And me? In all honesty, I have not been taking it well. It's hard to hear the person you love tell you they don't want to be with you anymore. Even though lack of love and care was not the reason for the split, differences in life were. If this has taught me anything, it is that I cannot hope to have a full and healthy relationship with another person until I am able to stand on my own two feet, care for my child on my own, and be happy with myself. And that the other must be just as stable and happy too. Daniel and I were not there with our lives yet. We still had some growing to do alone. This wasn't my choice, but I know it was the right one. I don't hate him or not care about him. I wish him all the best.

This time has also shown me that I have the best support system possible. This post may seem put together, but I have not been. My friends have been so patient, loving, and helpful with me as I try to pick up the pieces. They are more than I can ever ask for, and I will never be able to thank them enough. My dad has been there to hug me and tell me it'll all be ok. And Abbie has been my biggest push to keep moving forward. She is my rock and my constant. She is always there with a smile and some new random thing she's found. I have her. I know what real love it because I have her and I always will.

From here, I just have to somehow keep moving. This isn't my first heartbreak, I'm sure it won't be my last. School is almost out for the semester, I just have this week and finals next week before the holidays. Come then, I can finally start rebuilding from the ground up. Things have to change and I need to be the change. I'll be ok eventually.

For now, I need to just be sad.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Life In Pictures

[insert long, tired sigh]

Sometimes life throws you curve balls and you have to adjust how you're living, especially when you are overlooking severe problems that need attention desperately. If the past two weeks have proven anything, it's just how resilient I am as a person, that I have the best friends anyone could ask for, and how tough/mean people actually can be capable of. Fortunately, Owlfish has been the toughest nut through it all. She's remained so happy and curious that it's easy sometimes to forget how man or sad I am some days. I know for sure that without her, I would be so lost. Vague post is vague, but it's fine. :) Just know that no, we are not dead.

But I am happy to be on Thanksgiving Break right now and that there is only about two weeks left of this semester. I'm ready for it to be done- this has been a long haul.

Anyway, here's a few pictures from the last couple weeks (some from my main girl, Shelbie!), including some from the Atlanta Lolita Community meet up at Fernbank Museum I had the fortune of hosting! Abbie isn't a huge fan of the taxidermic animals, but she like the dinosaur bones and interactive areas. 








 Hope you all have been well and are ready to celebrate tomorrow's festivities. I plan to be up watching the parade since my MARCHING ROYAL DUKES are kicking off the party. GO JMU! 
XO

Friday, November 15, 2013

This is only the start!

Revolver is FUNDED!
Magic and dreams are all real!

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Just one more candle


Yep, I'm now 24. And even with my worrying and anxiety, it wasn't a bad time. Wore a unicorn horn to school and got free lunch. Came home to dinner and birthday pie with my family to celebrate (Yes. Pie. I haven't had an actual birthday cake since my 15th birthday because birthday cake is so passé!) Now I'm just journaling and listening to music to carry into tomorrow. I'm in a good mood and it feels good. Thanks to all who made turning 24 super special! I love you all! I'll leave you with a favorite song. Hope you readers have a good night and stay warm. Hell's freezing over here in the South.

Oh, and my one birthday wish? Go support Revolver! Seriously, 2$ makes a difference! 


Trip Around the Sun
Jimmy Buffett ft. Martina McBride



Hear ‘em singing happy birthday
Better think about the wish I make
This year gone by
Ain’t been a piece of cake



Every day’s a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun



I’m just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it’s good to know it’s out of my control
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn’t change a thing if I let go



No you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went



Only time will tell
If it was time well spent
It’s another revelation



Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun



I’m just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it’s good to know it’s out of my control
If there’s one thing I have learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn’t change a thing if I let go


Yes I’ll make a resolution


That I’ll never make another one



Just enjoy this ride on my
Trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride
on my trip around the sun
trip around the sun

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Whining

So...


I'm not ready to turn 24 tomorrow.


I've always been a bit on edge when it comes to my birthdays. (Remember this post?) Ever since my eighteenth, I've had this weird anxiety about getting older. Maybe it was just because at the time, I was moving into the real world and real responsibilities. I was facing the prospect that things were rapidly changing around me, and I had to either adapt quick or be eaten alive. But now, I'm even worse. Last year, all I could think about was all I didn't get accomplished in my 22nd year, about how Owlfish was a newly one-year-old, and getting older. But I looked in the mirror at school today and the getting older thing really hit me. My life definitely moved a lot quicker when I became a mom and some of that wear-and-tear was starting to show. I was not as happy with myself I used to be. I'm no where near in shape anymore. My hair is not as nice as it once was. I kept thinking the small lines on my face were deeper than they had been the night before. I was manically looking for reasons to be worried. It took a friend telling me to zip it and that I was imagining things to quit worrying. 

I can honestly say getting older terrifies the hell out of me. And I keep thinking of the Triple Goddess stages. I guess when this anxiety started, I was beginning the move from the first cycle of life, the maiden, into the second cycle of the mother (Well, figuratively at the time. Certainly didn't think three years later I'd actually BE one). And each birthday, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to the crone stage of life and I'm not ok with that. I've so much more I want to do, so much I want to see. I don't want to wake up one day when I'm thirty, forty, fifty and look back thinking "Well, it's too late now." That would just be the worst!

Becoming a mother has made me feel like I'm 23 going on 33, and I (or my wonderful friends who put up with my hot mess) have to remember I'm only in my early twenties. I'm not physically as old as my soul is and feels. It's funny because it's only really around this time that I get so worked up about this. Normally, I don't give my age much of a thought. I know it's a legitimate fear to not want to grow old...but circle of life and all that jazz. I'm trying to accept it.

Daniel is always saying "You're only as old as you allow yourself to be." He doesn't plan to be "old" until he's eighty. I probably should start adopted that train of thought. Maybe it would actually loosen the knot in my chest over my birthday if I did. That if I believe it in my heart and keep acting like I'm still young and happy, things will get better as I age. One can only hope, right? And yeah, yeah, I know. I'm "only" 23 (24). I shouldn't be freaking out like this. But I do. Eventually, I hope this too shall pass. 

Either way, I'll make a wish, blow out my candles on my birthday pie, and anxiously welcome a new year. Clean slate. I'll make the best of it even if I'm shaking the whole time.

Saturday, November 09, 2013

A visit to the High

Artgasm post. Prepare for the nerd.

Tuesday, I was required for my History of Photography class to attend a photo viewing at the High Museum of Art here in Atlanta. The last time I had been was when Daniel, Abbie, and I went to visit the Girl With The Pearl Earring exhibition back in August. Even though it was required, I am never one to miss an opportunity to visit the place and this time was pretty special. My class was given a unique opportunity to view several ORIGINAL photographic prints in the High's archives. Several of these sprints were from well know photographers throughout history, from Julia Margaret Cameron to Henri-Cartier Bresson to Stephen Shore. I even got to see original work by Diane Arbus and Sally Mann, two of my biggest photographic inspirations! I am not ashamed to say I was practically fan-girling all over the room. These were prints the public rarely got to see, some of the the very first prints made by the photographer's hands. Some of them were signed. Some yellowed with age. But they were all so beautiful to see and further education on the visual and phsyical development of photography through modern times. Especially in the three Stieglizt photographs that were set out side by side, from his first work in the pictorialist movement, to his brief stint with New Objectivity, then to his cloud images in his later career. Once our session was done, the class moved on to view the Bunnen Collection, which is currently on the skyway level of the High. This exhibit consists of many donated works of photographic art of modern photographers such as Nan Goldin, more Sally Mann, Chuck Close, Cindy Sherman, and Sheila Pree Bright, whom I had the chance to meet during her GSU lecture back in September. It was interesting to see how my work as an artist paralleled work on view, as I tend to stick to artist black-and-white images. I wish I could have stayed longer to get a better intake of what was there, but what I did get to see was nothing less than stellar. And pretty emotionally charged, but so what? I'm human. :)

Nerding done, have some instas from the day.








Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Samhain Suckage

Well, I finally have a few moments to breathe from this recent hectic schedule, so I guess I might as well angst out my life for a bit here for those who are curious. 

Last week was Devil's Night and Hallowe'en, which meant the Samhain nights had started. While Devil's Night went pretty much for the norm, I'm sorry to say my favorite holiday out of the year ended up royally sucking. It didn't start off bad though. Woke up in a great mood and decided to don one of my old character makeups, Misfit Ragdoll, from when I worked in haunted houses around Georgia (such as this one and this one!). I wore it around campus and definitely freaked out a few people, including my British Literature Professor! Mischief Managed.  

But that was about it for the good. Things began to tank around the afternoon and by the evening, changed plans, crappy friends, other useless (see: petty) problems, and then car trouble with Daniel's truck....well, it was not the Hallowe'en I look forward to every year. And I missed out on Dad's decorating of the house for the first time in years, which bummed me out the most. But Owlfish still got to go trick-o-treating and with a friend to boot! Daniel's nephew, Jesse, was her treating buddy for the night as well all wandered from house to house and I fumed like a brat. Abbie and Jessie were such troopers, walking almost all the time, and only really started getting tired around the last two houses That was about the time Abbie rode the rest of the way on Daniel's shoulders. I should also mention that she went as Belle from Beauty and the Beast this year, so her little yellow dress was all frills and glitter. I'm pretty sure Daniel is still leaving glitter trails around the house. Sorry sweetheart, but I'm not sorry! 


It was pretty late in the evening when some of the pressing issues, including the truck problems, started to dissipate, so we mad sit home. Abbie was out hard from exhaustion and candy overload, so Daniel and I did what we did best and got creative to salvage the rest of Hallowe'en. If there's anything I'm thankful of when it comes to Daniel, it's his patience with my attitude and his caring nature. Abbie and I are pretty lucky. We ended up rounding out the night into All Saint's Day with pie, hard cider, and runaway trains. 



All Saint's Day and Dia De Los Muertos weren't too much better, but they weren't terrible. Ended up begin stuck in the house all day because of the truck getting repaired and then Daniel's job rushing him in. Not much celebration happened, just a lot of Disney movies, candy, and a sass machine for a kid. But deep down, I wouldn't have traded it for the world.  Did manage to get a lot of work down for school during this involuntary hermitage, so I guess mission accomplished in a way. 


As for the week so far, being a commuter student in Atlanta is another royal suck and Ai Wei Wei is still one of my favorite artists. I hope you had a great Hallowe'en, Samhain and a good week so far! 

Remember to check out my art page on the link list and see what I have for sale to support REVOLVER. Eight days left to help out, so hop on it! Knits and photographs make great gifts!