Monday, December 02, 2013

One Foot in Front of the Other

Well...I guess now that things are done, I will finally post about what has been going on lately.

Daniel and I are no longer together. It wasn't a mutual decision, but it was in the end necessary. Either way, he is now not a part of mine or Abbie's lives. Maybe one day that will change, but it isn't worth stopping life about. We've both decided for now it is best to not be in each others lives physically and emotionally, as well as via the internet. So for those who are still in contact with him, please, let him be. This had to happen.

Abbie has been a trooper. The first several days were rough on her, but she has been adapting much quicker than I have. She's very much aware that things have drastically changed, but she is still just as happy and amazing as she always has been. I know this too will eventually be gone from her mind. She's still young.

And me? In all honesty, I have not been taking it well. It's hard to hear the person you love tell you they don't want to be with you anymore. Even though lack of love and care was not the reason for the split, differences in life were. If this has taught me anything, it is that I cannot hope to have a full and healthy relationship with another person until I am able to stand on my own two feet, care for my child on my own, and be happy with myself. And that the other must be just as stable and happy too. Daniel and I were not there with our lives yet. We still had some growing to do alone. This wasn't my choice, but I know it was the right one. I don't hate him or not care about him. I wish him all the best.

This time has also shown me that I have the best support system possible. This post may seem put together, but I have not been. My friends have been so patient, loving, and helpful with me as I try to pick up the pieces. They are more than I can ever ask for, and I will never be able to thank them enough. My dad has been there to hug me and tell me it'll all be ok. And Abbie has been my biggest push to keep moving forward. She is my rock and my constant. She is always there with a smile and some new random thing she's found. I have her. I know what real love it because I have her and I always will.

From here, I just have to somehow keep moving. This isn't my first heartbreak, I'm sure it won't be my last. School is almost out for the semester, I just have this week and finals next week before the holidays. Come then, I can finally start rebuilding from the ground up. Things have to change and I need to be the change. I'll be ok eventually.

For now, I need to just be sad.

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